We Should Wear Burkas

Being a woman is Jamaica has got to be one of the most challenging things on Earth. We aren't as free as the other gender thinks. Every day there is a personal attack on my anger management and sometimes i have to buy myself a cookie as a reward for coming such a far way.

Let me explain...

Last night i was at a local bar/lounge having fun, i sat most of the night because my heels were killing me. Now and then i'd get up and dance then sit back down. This guy, who was there with his friends, came over to me and said something that i can't recall...but while he was talking, his hand was on my thigh. I quickly answered his question and turned my head so that he would go away. A few minutes later he came back and immediately rested his hand on my thigh again, this time I looked down at his hand, and removed it. He then turned to his friend and said "Come mek we leff yahso yaah man cah it comeen like a bere lesbian in yah!"

Now.....some of you know that i listen to Mantras to focus my energy and such. I literally had to close my eyes at that bar and centre myself. At first I tried "1 Potato 2 potato 3 potato..." Then i just went straight into a Mantra. Cus I was SO close to snatching him by his goddamn neck. My entire night was ruined, my bredrin who I was there with just couldn't understand why I was still angry because to him, what they guy said was rude yes, but shouldn't rest so heavily on my mind. Basically, to him, it was not that serious.

But it was. And I am tired of it.

WHY is it that Jamaican men think that no one should ever turn them down? WHY do they think they can say, do anything to you and you should just take it because you are woman and shouldn't complain cus "Big man a look you"? WHO is training these fools? Which Academy of the Daft did these assholes attend?

I wonder sometimes if men understand how much of a task it is just to run errands on a day to day basis. I could wear a turtle neck and straight legged pants with sneakers, I'd STILL be subject to some of the most vile, disrespectful comments you can imagine. Jamaican women are emotionally, physically, sexually harassed every single day by strangers and so called friends. And i'll get to the friends part soon.

"Baby how u pu**y so fat?" 

"Babes yuh bress dem jus a jiggle so mek mi suck pon dem nuh?"

"Bwoy baby yuh front jus buff up inna yuh pants deh doh.."

"Girl...if i eva hold yuh today i put a piece a f*ck pon you, u see"

......And then you have the men who will grab onto you. And if you flash your hand away or reprimand them..

"Aye gyal guh suck uself!"

"Yuh hype eeh...u want a man fix yuh bizniz"

The other day a man grabbed at me and i said "Don't f*ckin touch me"..his friend snapped back with "Ay gyal yuh a cuss badwud afta man like u nuh know say u will get beat up in yah!". "In yah" being the Papine taxi stand. Yea? Yea. A man legit threatened to BEAT me, in public, because i cursed at a man who was grabbing at me.

One of the biggest disappointments are the male friends, the "bredrins" who you've know for years and years, that suddenly feel it's ok so squeeze your ass or breast when they're greeting you. Then when you reprimand them, they respond with "Is wahpm...yuh man deh yah?". Listen....you just violated me and our friendship...and your response to me telling you to stop is to ask if my man is here? AS IF I don't have rights to defend my body. AS IF I should let you do whatthefuckever you want until a man has claimed me. I'd love to see you sit and watch this happen to your daughters. Really.

Let's go by your "Only if you're taken should i not touch you" logic....

Suppose I DID have a man and you didn't know, and he was standing nearby and saw you do that? What would you say? "Sorry bossy mi neva know say u did deh yah.."?? If i'm in a room full of people and i'm sitting beside a guy who I've just began dating, you come in and hug me then squeeze my breast, because you THINK you can...this guy has quite possibly, lost ALL respect for me. Cus if a guy can touch on me as he pleases, why should he claim me? If i was a guy and saw that, that chick could just lose my number because clearly this is something that happens ALLLLL the time.

What is it about the Jamaican male ego that makes them act and think this way? I can wear whatever I want in the U.S. without feeling like meat. Jamaican women are tired, i'm tired...and on the verge of violence. 

If I ever get a taser or pepper spray, dog nyam unnu supper. Friend or stranger.

The decision

I've always said that the wrong job can be poisonous.

You get heart palpitations just thinking about going in, migraines, diarrhea and just outright depression. But at what point do you call it quits? What sign do u wait on? The consensus is to bite the bullet and push through until something better comes along....possibly the most annoying thing i've ever heard.

I'm losing my mind really. Dont mind me over here.

Definitely gonna focus on developing my skills and amp up my services. My sistren says every day that working for people will get u nowhere, maybe it's time I focus on me and stop making myself sick working for people.

The Break Up

A misunderstanding.

A selfish act.

Lies.

Cheating.

Distance.

Time.

Space.

Whatever it was that caused you and someone you love to call it quits. Shit happened and you broke up.

Girls cry, we get mad, we play tough, cry again, maybe call over an old f*ck buddy, tweet through it, f*ck through it, cry, eat ice cream and convince ourselves that it will work out.

Men act tough, shrug their shoulders....meh....whatevz. After 3 weeks they're glued to a rum bar and reliving all the good days with a sistren....cus of course, they cant have that kinda talk with the niggas. They f*ck through it, tweet hardcore shit. Get their nob slobbed by their back-up bitch (They all have one). Drink some more ...at home this time, grow a beard, tweet. They're ok (not). 

There's something quite.....painful...about seeing someone you know, inside and out, and not being able to speak to them. When you so happen to be around them and they laugh about something someone said to them and it hits you....you haven't heard that laugh in months. They walk pass you and their scent body slams you into the lockers of memories you carefully stowed away in the dungeons of your brain and heart. All you can do is turn your head and focus real hard on that....that...tile in front of you. Gorgeous tile.


You start wondering exactly how long this period of healing and self love and getthef*ckoveritalready is supposed to last. You dont wanna be friends, you cant be friends. Impossible.

You happen upon them on  lunch date. No big deal. Just flip over their table and dance in their food and walk out right? F*ck yea. You're not jealous, you're healing. 

*drops on the floor and cries like smeagol*

Scroll through your phone book and linger on their name for a few seconds...hmmm.... *turns phone in hands*... yes... you're gonna call and try to talk it out. Nahh...save yourself the embarrassment.....and credit.

Tweet through it.

You live your life, work, home, work, home, rinse and repeat...sprinkled with a night out, a few dates, meaningless sex. After a while that tugging in your heart either goes away or learns to shut the hell up ( i think)

There's love....then there's LOVE....then there's JEZAS CRISE MI GET TIE A WAH DIS GAD?!

After 2 or 3 .....shit...or more years....you find someone and you're happy. You settle down and you start thinking about marriage...

What if, the love you have for your current boo...isnt as strong as what you had/have for your ex? What do you do? Have you wondered that? if you'll find this kind of deep, passionate, wonderful love again?

......