Turning 25 and my Demons

When i left Immaculate at the age of 17, i had my life pretty much planned out to the T, like everything else i do. I think its a Capricorn thing to just have a mindset of how you want something to happen and if it doesn't go that way, you're automatically thrown off balance. The way you eat, sleep, shit and clean is now out of wack. *Heavy Sigh*

At age 17 i told myself ok, its 4 years to complete my degree, well 5 when i include the Pre-requisite course, so by age 22-23 i would start a NICE job and by 27 i would have traveled a bit, furthered my career and done an additional business certificate/diploma course just for kicks. By age 30, i should own a car and be paying mortgage on my home and gearing up to have kids no late than age 32. THIS is how i planned my life, THIS is how i imagined it happening but alas.... dreams are for pussies.

I'm now 25... quarter century. *shudders* I feel like walking around and wagging the extra skin by my arms, not to mention my stomach is flabbier than it has EVER been, i mean i like being "roun" but that doesnt mean my belly must ROUN too?! I look like a bottle of ultra downy.

I tried to play off my misery by having a wicked birthday party, #shoutout to the drones of people who came and brought so much liquor i've been recommitted as an alcoholic and i'm even giving away bottles. Oh and a BIG hello to Michael Sharpe for being the ultimate squaddy and shuttin my shit down at 1am.

Back to my misery.. 25, no degree, not even a certificate to show that i have more than enough brain cells to earn more than $40,000 per month. It would be great to get paid and actually be able to do what i WANT to do instead f what i HAVE TO/NEED to do. But hey, at least i'm working right? NO. And i wish people would stop saying that crap to me, cus to be honest i was better off when i wasn't working. Look at that. Now my 17 year old sister (i'm so damn proud it brought me to tears) is graduating high school and got into her 1st choice University. So with some luck, and an acceptance to Utech, i'll be graduating the same year as her. I BETTER BE!! Every November when i see my friends post their pics from graduation i feel like sinking feeling in my gut and chest. Ugh.

I try to remind myself that i have so many friends who are in their late 20s and are now doing their degree, i try not to feel like a complete waste but its a little more difficult. I do realize now however that i wasnt ready at age 17 to embark on that university. I hope i'm ready now.

--Chunchi

P.S. F*ck EVERYBODY that has been to Suzies. mi hear say one jinks a tousan dalla. I'll be staying home. Thanks